Last week I was talking with a Mum who was very worried about her teenager and her anger. This teen was 14 and would scream and rage when told to turn off screens or that she wasn't allowed to go out and see her friends.  Her anger was scary - so much so that this Mum asked me "Does she has schizophrenia?"

She didn't.

While "rage attacks” can be scary, they are NOT usually a sign serious mental illness and are more common than parents realise.  Even teens who look like butter would not melt in their mouth while out in public, can get scarily angry at home.

Here are some ideas about how to cope.

My son and I just finished reading the fifth in the Harry Potter series.   We’ve been reading these books together for the last three years (one at every Christmas and birthday) – I’m a total Harry Potter fan and I’ve been spacing the series out as much as I can to savour the experience!    Much to my son's annoyance who wants to read them all yesterday!

One of the many things I love about the Harry Potter books is their exploration of sadness, grief and anger.  Without giving away any important plot lines, every book – while having many moments of joy and victory - is also tinged with sorrow.  There is grief in every book.

Just like in life.

Living with teens can be wonderful...and tricky.  I talk with hundreds of parents of teenagers each year about the ups and downs of managing parent-teen relationships.

During these conversations, there are some themes I hear time and time again.  Particular worries, comments or complaints are repeatedly expressed - and if I had a dollar for all of the times I've heard parents of teens say certain things, I'd be a rich woman.

What parents sometimes don't realise - is that many teenagers all across the country are doing exactly what their own teenager is doing.  

So let me allow you to be a fly on the wall and tell you about the things parents say to me - time and time again.  My hope is that you will feel a little more "normal" and not so alone.

Every week parents tell me about their worries about their children.  This is quite a privilege....sometimes parents haven't talked to many people about them before they see me.  Hearing a parents' concerns is essential and the start of the problem solving process.

But I also know - because I hear the same things, each week, each year - that many of the things that as parents we worry about in our children are absolutely, perfectly normal.

In other words, the things we worry about are things that many kids, in many families do ALL the time.

They are not signs that the child has some kind of unusual psychological disorder.  

They are not signs that we are bad parents.  

They are not signs that they are bad kids.

I'm only able to have this perspective because I have talked to many thousands of families over the last 20 years.  Because when it comes to our children, worry (guilt, frustration, helplessness) is very easily triggered.

So just FYI, here's a list of some stuff you can relax a little about.

My blog from last week (click here if you missed it) was about questions to ask kids after seeing the movie Inside Out. As I said in this blog , I thought this move was awesome.  I thought it was a great learning tool and conversation starter for kids and parents.  

I loved how the film introduced the ideas of a range of emotions.  I loved how sadness was important for getting help.  I liked the idea of “personality islands” which stood for a person’s interests and values.  I liked the ideas of memories being formed each day, the idea of the subconscious and dream land was very cool indeed.

But there is one thing Inside Out got all wrong.   And I think it's really important we tell our kids about it.