One of the shocks for parents of the 9 plus age group is how frequently their kids get irritable, sad, stressed and "moody".

Many of us as parents remember how our younger kids were happy-go-lucky much of the time.  Sure, they'd still get upset at times - if they didn't get what they wanted or had a fight with their siblings, or had to do chores - they might have a meltdown - but as parents we knew what was wrong and after the moment was over (and the chores done/fight resolved) they returned to being their cheerful/high spirited selves.  Plus, the promise of an ice-cream/extra story/trip to the beach would usually put a smile on their face.

But suddenly our children aren't like this any more.

• They act irritably for no obvious reason.
• They seem overly upset about things which didn't use to upset them
• They might "sulk" or take a long time to get over things
• Things/situations which used to provide them great pleasure no longer make them happy
• We can't "fix" it with the promise of a treat/fun activity

These more frequent, seemingly irrational and "not easily fixed" bad moods and irritability are not easy for parents to watch (or to listen to!).  We often feel annoyed ourselves, resentful and concerned.  

The good news is that most of the time, these negative moods does not mean there is anything seriously wrong.  

Do you have a child/teen who is *desperate* to be non stop gaming/watching online video this school holidays?  Have you lectured them about the need for a balance of activities until you’re exhausted and want to throw all i-devices/gaming consoles off the edge of the nearest roof? 

Thousands of kids and teens all over the country this school holidays are spending hours each day gaming.  It’s not surprising. As a society we’ve introduced a set of humans with partially formed brains (and willpower skills) - children - to a highly addictive, satisfying and fascinating activity.  Naturally enough they are having trouble turning it off.

Of course we know that it’s not healthy for young people to be on screens 24/7.  But if they can’t limit their own use - this means parents and carers have to take charge.  This is tough. Dealing with technology use for parents can be exhausting, worrying, constant and tiring.   You’re not alone. 

"Kids with big feelings" is a phrase I sometimes use to describe children who have a tendency to get more frustrated, worried, embarrassed, hurt and sad than other children their age.  I use this phrase because it avoids negativity and reflects the fact that these kids are often also particularly creative, joyful and hilarious fun!

If you are a parent of a child with "big feelings" kids you know that it can be really hard work.   And unlike most other "jobs", we get no training, time for reflection, formal planning processes or team building days...nope, we just do the best we can on the fly.

Sometimes this works out okay.  

However if we can squeeze in some time for reflection and planning - then the job can get easier. 

Here's a exercise to try - "Parenting Reflection Walk" - perhaps over the holidays.  Go for a walk with your parenting partner or a close friend.  And ask them the 19 questions below (change the wording slightly as indicated if it is a friend versus a co-parent) and have them ask you the same ones.  See if it leads to any practical ideas you'd like to implement for 2017.

Some kids and teens get upset a lot - more than the average child/teen.

They get REALLY mad when things are unfair, outraged when their plans are thwarted, really stressed when they have small responsibilities, anxious about how other people think about them and sad about life.

There are many ways we can help young people deal with difficult emotions - depending on the situation, their age and how much time we have!  But often, an excellent first step is to say threemagic words to ourselves.

What are these magic words?  They are these:

"Gemma, where's your homework book?"
"I can't find it!!"
"I've talked to you about this one hundred times, why isn't it in your bag like it's supposed to be?!"
"I I don't know!  And I need it tomorrow! 
*Cue parent scream"

"Mum, I can't find my football boots!"
"Where did you have them last?"
"I can't remember!"
*Parent and teen looking together, parent muttering, teen stomping until football boots are found somewhere obvious, like at the back of the fridge under the lettuce.

If you have a child/teen like this, just reading this will probably make blood pressure rise.  Forgetful children are often hard to take. They slow life down, they get into trouble completely unnecessarily and leave us feeling completely exasperated.

A lot of forgetful children and teens DO improve their attention, concentration and memory skills as they get older, in the meantime, here are some things we can do.

Think about the last time your child or teen lost something or didn't have something they needed and ask yourself these three questions