This week I've felt disappointed and worried about various situations.  One of my kids was sick and I was worried about him.  I had a disagreement with my partner and felt frustrated. I felt overwhelmed by my task list at work.

In other words, I'm a (fairly :)) normal human being who had a pretty normal week.  As humans, we all experience difficult times - and negative emotions - most of us at least weekly, if not every day.

One of the strategies most adults instinctively use to cope with negative emotions is to generate calm, reassuring and positive sentences to say to ourselves to give us another perspective on our situation.  I've written about this before but as a reminder, I'm talking about sentences which provide an alternative perspective to our anxious thinking.  For example, mine this week were:

Some children find family separation or other big family changes to living arrangements - pretty hard going.  They might feel sad, worried about the future, irritated, guilty or frustrated.  Sometimes these feelings creep out into tricky behaviour.

However, other children manage separation and family changes really well.  For some children, the new situation is a change for the better.  For others, they experience a "bump" but move on quickly.

Fortunately we know how to make potentially significant life events like these easier on children.  There are many different ways families manage well.  Here are some of the most common helpful steps I see families take:

"I'm fine!"

Do you hear this phrase a lot from your kids/teens - even when you suspect your child/teen is *not* actually "fine" at all?

Many children and teens find it hard to tell us how they feel when they are upset, angry, worried or embarrassed.  

This is not surprising.

It is not easy for us as adults to describe negative emotions, what might have caused them and what we would like to happen differently.   It's even harder for young people, with less developed brains - and sometimes bigger and more powerful feelings which interfere with communication skills anyway.

“AAARRRRKKGGGH”

This was (roughly speaking - I may have got the spelling wrong) the word *Josh yelled when a leaf blower was used outside our office in a session last month.  At the same time, he put his hands over his ears and ran to the corner. 

Josh hates loud noises and gets really distressed whenever they occur around him.  It’s especially hard for him when they are sudden.

Last night, I settled in with my large hot chocolate on the couch to watch the movie on eating disorders - “To The Bone”. 

For those of you who haven’t seen the shorts – this is a movie about a young woman with anorexia who gets treatment for an eating disorder.  She has a short stay in a group home facility, meets others with eating disorders, has some family therapy, a short romantic relationship with another person with an eating disorder and ponders whether she really does want to get “better” and overcome her eating disorder.

Having worked with many kids/teens with symptoms of disordered eating and struggles with body image over the last 20 years, I was keen to see whether this was going to be a useful movie I could recommend to families.

Unfortunately, I don’t think it is. 

But as usual when it comes to these kinds of issues, I have mixed feelings.  Here are my thoughts.