It might seem obvious to most of us as parents/caregivers today that acting in a warm, loving, caring and interested ways towards our children is important – however it has actually only been in the last 50 or 60 years that this idea has been discussed and studied by researchers interested in child development.

However during this last period of time, the concept of parental warmth and responsivity has been researched and discussed extensively – so in this article I am going to answer some frequently asked questions about this concept and think about how we might use these ideas in parenting and caring for young people…

How long are you able to read something or think carefully about a topic without being distracted by something else? Are you happy with the length of time you can do this? Does it depend on the time of day or what you are doing? Has it changed over the years for you?

The questions above are about something called “attentional control” – in other words, our ability to keep our attention and thoughts focused on a chosen task, object or idea for a set period of time…

Have you looked directly into someone’s eyes today when you spoke with them? Did it help you understand them? Or connect with them? Or did it make you feel uncomfortable? And (perhaps more interestingly) did this eye contact or lack of something you thought about or did you do it all automatically?

Eye contact is a concept that generally doesn’t occupy much of our thinking. Most of us use appropriate eye contact automatically and without much thought. However eye contact may be an extremely important part of maintaining connected relationships with others and something worth thinking about more often…

Imagine you have been unwell for several months - intermittent, low level but unpleasant symptoms – stomach pain, headaches and dizziness. A GP can’t find anything wrong with you and so you try diet changes, vitamins and getting more sleep – none of which makes a difference. You start to worry about whether you have a serious illness, - and feel frustrated about having to take time off work/social activities.

Eventually a specialist diagnoses you with a particular medical condition. Unfortunately it can’t be “cured” – but you now know how to manage it, what triggers it and how to make symptoms less severe. Almost immediately, even though you still don’t feel well, your overall suffering eases. Knowing causes of problems often makes us feel significantly better and helps us manage them more effectively - even if the problems themselves don’t disappear…

Many children and teens have grief and loss experiences. It has been estimated that up to 1 in 15 young people experience the death of a parent or sibling by the age of 16. One study found 80% of 11-16 year olds report experiencing the death of a “close” family member or friend. Many children also experience other significant losses – for instance the “loss” of the family unit through parental separation, sudden loss of a family home (house fire/disaster), the death of a pet, loss of some aspect of health/mobility, or the loss of a favourite or treasured activity or possession.

Here are some ways we can support our children and teens through grief and loss experiences.