Three things researchers tell us about “warm” parent/teen relationships
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Common sense tells us that when parents and teenagers get on well, and feel good about their relationships with each other, things go better.
But common sense is backed up by research which tells us specifically what a warm parent-teen relationship does. Here are three key research findings.
When researchers ask teens to rate how warm and supportive their parents/caregivers are, they find the following:
When parents/caregivers are rated as warm and supportive, teens are less likely to engage in risky behaviour (eg abuse of alcohol, risky sexual practices).
When parents/caregivers are rated as warm and supportive, teens are more accepting of their parents monitoring their behaviour (ie knowing what they are doing across the week - at school, at home and with friends). This is important because in previous studies, higher parental monitoring is associated with better school performance and other success indicators.
When parents/caregivers are rated as warm and supportive, teens are more likely to tell their parents about the difficult situations in their lives.
An important point: parent warmth and support does not mean there are no parent rules and boundaries, and does not mean there is no parent-teen conflict.
In other words, in the research I’ve described above, there were hundreds of teens that rated their parents are having rules and boundaries, and having conflict with their parents - that nevertheless rated their parents are warm and supportive. This means that as parents, we can be seen as warm and supportive while still having rules and boundaries and even conflict with our teens.
The good news is that being warm and supportive of a teen does not have to take hours of time. Here are three things warm and supportive parents do for their teens:
1.They notice the things teens are doing well.
"Hey you remembered to unpack the dishwasher last night. Thanks hugely for that"
2.They empathise with teens more often than they give advice.
"That sounds like a really tough situation"
3.They comment on the teens positive characteristics
"You're so determined when you put your mind to something"
Different parents/caregivers have different relationships with teens. There are very few “rules” about how we have to do it - but trying to make sure our teens feel that - at least most of the time, and in ways which suit our own parenting style - we are warm and supportive - is probably one thing which matters more than most.
If you would like help in managing difficult relationships with your teen, please feel free to contact us for info about how we work with families on 08 8357 1711 or click here
