Parents report that fights amongst brothers and sisters are one of the most painful parts of parenting. Some research has found that, depending on their age, on average, kids fight for about 10 minutes of every hour they play together.   There are no quick and easy solutions to sibling conflict, but I've listed a few key ideas to keep in mind.

1.  It's normal

All siblings fight. Actually, all animals fight. We have a built in instinct to fight to get what we want and to try to be dominant in some way. Adults have similar feelings of annoyance and displeasure with people, it is just that we have learnt to hide it! So if your children argue, bicker and fight with each other, you are not alone.   And your kids are normal. 

Research shows that adults often underestimate how often kids get worried and sad – most children experience anxiety and sadness on a regular basis, some more than others.  This is not all bad - getting worried and sad helps kids develop important skills.  However adults need to coach them to develop these coping skills. 

Here are some of these strategies.

In the last 100 years there has been over 32 national sets of guidelines as to how much sleep we need. The scientific evidence about exactly how much sleep need is still being debated, and it certainly varies quite a bit between people.  However, almost all sleep experts recommend that teenagers need between 7.5 and 9 hours of sleep each night.

How do you know if your teenager is getting enough sleep?  The best guide is sleepiness.  If teens are sleepy in the morning and have trouble waking up and feel sleepy during the day, this is a good indication that they are sleep deprived.  To be honest, most teenagers I meet are sleep deprived - and they know it and feel it on a daily basis.

Some ideas to consider for teachers, parents and other professionals working with young people who have experienced a loss.

There is no “correct” way to grieve

Some teens cry lots. Some cry infrequently. Some teens feel angry. Some don’t. Some teens feel guilty, others don’t. Some teenagers want life to be “back to normal” ASAP, some don’t want life to go on as usual. All of these coping mechanisms are usually okay.
 
Sometimes teenagers don’t want to talk

This doesn’t necessarily mean a teenager “is not coping”. Teenagers are less prone to analysis and self-introspection and often don’t want to have lots of conversations about how they are feeling, thinking and acting.   This is generally okay.

I ran a seminar for parents of anxious kids last week and at the end one parent asked me this question:

"My daughter is having problems with the girls in her class.  I know we should talk about it - but every time I bring it up, she shuts it down.  She just doesn't want to talk with me about it.  What should I do?

Does this sound familiar?  Are you working on helping your own children talk about things they don't really want to talk about? 

If so, welcome to my world! :) :)

As a child psychologist, I know full well that helping children communicate about tricky topics is very difficult at times.   It's something I work on with kids constantly.  Here's a few things to know and a few things to try.

3 things to know about kids "not talking" 

1. It's quite normal for some children to not be interested in discussing difficult topics.