If you have an anxious child or teen, or one with challenging behaviors or a disability/struggling with extra challenges – then you know that getting them to do chores can be really tough.  

Unfortunately well meaning parents with these kids/teens sometimes make mistakes in setting chore.  These mistakes can make things worse for them and their young person.  Here are six common mistakes to look out for.

I just finished doing a worry workshop for a local primary school.  The ABC's Behind the News filmed it (the video is at the end of this post if you are interested - a good one to watch with your 8 to 11 year old child).

One of the topics I talked with the students about was the importance of acting in brave ways - even when they are feeling worried and anxious.  I can't overstate the importance of this step.

Here's what we know about anxiety in children - when children avoid things - situations/ people/ sensations/ feelings/environments - they get more anxious about these things as time goes on.

The more children avoid things they find scary, the more scared they get. 

If children avoid going into the classroom on their own, going to friends’ houses, talking to adults, playing sport – or other things they find nerve wracking – they will usually become more scared of these things over time.

Last week I was talking with a Mum who was very worried about her teenager and her anger. This teen was 14 and would scream and rage when told to turn off screens or that she wasn't allowed to go out and see her friends.  Her anger was scary - so much so that this Mum asked me "Does she has schizophrenia?"

She didn't.

While "rage attacks” can be scary, they are NOT usually a sign serious mental illness and are more common than parents realise.  Even teens who look like butter would not melt in their mouth while out in public, can get scarily angry at home.

Here are some ideas about how to cope.

My son and I just finished reading the fifth in the Harry Potter series.   We’ve been reading these books together for the last three years (one at every Christmas and birthday) – I’m a total Harry Potter fan and I’ve been spacing the series out as much as I can to savour the experience!    Much to my son's annoyance who wants to read them all yesterday!

One of the many things I love about the Harry Potter books is their exploration of sadness, grief and anger.  Without giving away any important plot lines, every book – while having many moments of joy and victory - is also tinged with sorrow.  There is grief in every book.

Just like in life.

Living with teens can be wonderful...and tricky.  I talk with hundreds of parents of teenagers each year about the ups and downs of managing parent-teen relationships.

During these conversations, there are some themes I hear time and time again.  Particular worries, comments or complaints are repeatedly expressed - and if I had a dollar for all of the times I've heard parents of teens say certain things, I'd be a rich woman.

What parents sometimes don't realise - is that many teenagers all across the country are doing exactly what their own teenager is doing.  

So let me allow you to be a fly on the wall and tell you about the things parents say to me - time and time again.  My hope is that you will feel a little more "normal" and not so alone.